quote

i have no appropriate place to display this, but i think this quote is great and would love to use it one day ...

"you wouldn't have to be over me if you were still under me."

(from nick & norah's infinite playlist)

dwelling

i don't know why i always go back to that one. that one that broke my heart. yes, i know why ... because i was falling for him ...

at a loss...

i just want to be someone that someone cares about. i want someone to want to talk to me and see me. i want someone to want me in their life and not just that but to be part of it. i want to want someone like that too. i want it to be mutual. i thought i had that and i don't know what happened to it. there is nothing i can do to know why or what happened. currently i am heartbroken because its my own fault. the other one isnt the other one but just the one. i am nothing. i am a friend for pleasure. nothing more. i want to know what its like to be on the receiving end of that affection. i never was. it doesn't seem like there is or was a good reason for that, but that it just wasn't there for him. it was there in all the other places. i don't know why it's not there. it's hurting me more than i expected it to. it's hurting me because i am jealous, why couldn't i be that person. i hate feeling jealous and i don't want to be hurting. i am. he doesn't want me to be either. i know that. it's my own fault and i know that, i take full responsibility. i keep wishing and hoping that things will change and it doesn't turn out the way i want it to. i have the affection of those i don't want, just the opposite of how i feel right now. i have the opportunity to be loved, just by those i'm not interested in. we can't settle for what we don't want, and i have to respect that. that doesn't make it hurt any less. that doesn't make me not wish it that it was me in his arms instead of her. are men really such pure physical creatures that they don't really care who is with them? or do they care, when it's someone special? i just don't understand at all ... i simply care too much, i think.